Mindsets & Me: Change

I have spent the last 6 months planning this blog, attempting to write it and each time finding myself with complete writer's block. Back in August/September I even asked my awesome Twitter pal Naomi (@Naomi_Toland) to write a guest blog about the huge change she's experienced over the last few months too and still I couldn't find the motivation or words to write this blog. (Watch this space for her guest blog to be posted at the end of March and apologies for the delay Naomi)!

It's now March and I am only just now finding the words, the motivation, and the clarity to write this! The thing about change is that it can cause things that normally flow for you to stop, it can take up so much room in your brain that there is no room for anything else, it can be all-consuming like abseiling into a black hole and only being able to focus on being terrified of what you will find at the bottom! It completely disrupts all balance and sense of calm!

The word change used to completely petrify me. At 18 I left home and moved house for the very first time in my life to move to Cardiff for university, I remember wishing for months that I could just go back to how things were. Friends from home would come to visit me in my student halls, many of which had stayed home to do gap years prior to university, and I would have an uncontrollable longing to jump in their cars and go back to Somerset with them when they left!

Thinking back to this first big struggle with change and the many more I've now experienced in my 32 years of life I can't stop asking myself: How can we learn to love change rather than fear it?

Since spring 2020 we have been surrounded by change. Changes in how we socialize, how we work, how we travel, and even changes in how we leave the house (don't forget that mask as soon as you leave your apartment 😷)!

Alongside this I've also been going through a time of big personal change too; moving from a small and very quiet school to a bustling metropolis of a school, taking on a new role of responsibility, and not being able to jump in a quick taxi to Changi Airport to fly back home at the drop of a hat.

There have been big changes back in the UK too which I have felt so distant from; I have a new baby brother who I haven't yet met, my grandfather passed away, my nieces/nephews/stepsisters just keep on growing, and there is a troop of new nieces/nephews arriving on the scene too.

I decided to move to Singapore in the spring of 2018 with my one-way flight booked for two months later. I remember the sleepless nights dreaming of where I might live and what it might be like. Getting on that solo flight was the most terrifying change I had ever embarked upon. Yet the idea of the UK and the things that weren't changing was of huge comfort to me!

But the UK now seems like the hugest of unknowns to me. The whole country has been through a different level of COVID loss compared to Singapore. Every time I imagine going home it feels similar to the abseiling into a black hole analogy. It is completely unknown and unnerving.

This is what change can do to you - it can cause endless doubt, questioning, and create unknowns where before you had complete certainties. So what might help us to thrive through change? And what have I learned along the way?

• Learn about the neuroscience of change. Whilst reading Daniel. T. Willingham's book "Why don't students like school?" I discovered how the working memory can be overloaded in times of change - as you are overwhelmed with so much of something new you can't just revert to what you have already got in your long term memory. This helped me be gentle and kind and understand why my brain was so frazzled and forgetful.

• Try acceptance rather than fighting and trying to solve it. Change is tough, it will cause pain, and suffering, and confusion. So my mantra through this time of change has been "you don't need to solve this problem, just accept it". I've also loved learning about self-compassion through Dr Kristen Neff's work, especially her self-compassion meditations. This has hugely helped me!

• Keep it simple. Find the simple things that keep you feeling calm or "normal". Mine include walks in nature, making a cup of tea, going to bed early and reading a good book.

• Give yourself "worry time". Allow yourself 5-10 minutes throughout the day where you just let your mind wander and let out all those worries prompted by the change.

• Put yourself first. Ask yourself each morning "how are you feeling today?" and "What do you need today?". Just like you would a friend! Then honor those feelings and needs!

• Seek out mental health support. If times really do get tough and you're feeling as anxious as a meerkat on duty seek some proper help if you can. The UK has some great free mental health support lines and I would 100% always recommend seeing a counselor if you can afford it!

• Remember that with big change comes big reward! Without taking that leap into the unknown you may have never found that spark, that passion, or that new amazing friend (or in my case a whole troop of new amazing friends). Back in November of 2019 my colleague and I decided to hand our notices in at our current school not knowing if, when, where our next teaching roles would be. It was utterly terrifying but without taking that leap I would not have ended up in the role, school, or situation I am in now. Insanely grateful to have had a friend that pushed me to do the right thing for me!